College is way harder than I could’ve imagine. And it’s not because of the workload or my brutal soccer practices.
When I first got here I was thriving and loving life, feeling happy, but deep down not satisfied. I’ll get to that a little later. I had a boyfriend whom I loved so much and saw my entire future with, I played Division 1 soccer, lived in Nashville, had amazing friends and loved my classes. Life was great!
I felt kind of stuck spiritually though, attending church on Sundays (maybe) and not doing anything beneficial for my spiritual life otherwise. I desired to be on fire for the Lord but didn’t know why I didn’t have that same passion or desire anymore. I felt like I had completely lost it.
After this year, I had an amazing summer with my boyfriend, Jason back in California and was so excited to get back for my second year of college. Coming back was awesome but also tough because of having to leave someone I loved so much, and not only that but I was coming back to playing soccer all day in the humidity.
August came and went, and I really started having doubts about my relationship and seeing correlations between my “great” relationship and my failing spiritual life. I decided to ignore that and continue in this relationship, because I loved him so much and we had our whole future planned out. I could never break up with him!
Well, September came. We were fighting a little more than usual, and out of the blue he broke up with me. Shocked. Devastated. Shattered. My heart was broken. I could not believe that this man I was supposed to marry and who told me how much he loved me, broke up with me.
My best friend flew out, and a week later my mom flew out. When my friend Brittany was here, I remember being on the floor of my dorm room weeping. That was the most hopeless I have ever felt in my entire life.
I felt not only hopeless but also worthless and so unlovable. I felt like my entire future had just been stolen from me, and I could do nothing about it.
Brittany tried to comfort me the best she could, but I felt broken. That night we went to dinner and decided not to talk about Jason for three hours. As we got our food and sat down, all the sudden I was overcome by an overwhelming sense of peace.
It made no sense. My eyes were red and puffy from crying for days, and now peace? I told Brittany I had to talk about Jason real quick. I told her how this might actually turn out to be the best thing that happened to me.
I called my mom crying, but this time out of joy, telling her God is going to bring good out of this, and as broken as my heart was, He was going to restore it. I wish I could say since that moment I haven’t missed Jason once, and trusting in the Lord is the easiest thing ever.
This season of life has been by far the most difficult season of my entire life but also the most rewarding. I have fallen in love with Jesus in ways I didn’t even know were possible.
I know that He would never break my heart, He would never hurt me, He would never give up on me and He would always be right there with me, no matter how many times I failed Him. It was the most comforting feeling.
Looking back, I see where His light was, and He was there the whole time. Even in the times I cried on my floor, feeling so worthless and lonely, He was there holding my heart.
We serve a good God, and He has brought so much good out of this situation I would’ve wished I never had to go through. I now have not only a desire but also a burning passion to know my Savior more.
I consistently go to church every Sunday, pray daily, read my Bible daily, memorize scripture and read so many books about pain, brokenness and God’s goodness and unfailing love. That is not at all to brag, but to brag about what Christ has been able to do in me.
I would’ve never done those things before had I not gone through something so excruciatingly painful. This is what I needed to get my passion back, and it is fully the Lord’s doing!
Praise God for being good and faithful and bringing those He loves back to His fold, no matter how much it might hurt in the moment.
2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”
In my weakness, I have seen God’s strength. I have seen Him do so much good through this time, and I praise Him every day for being so near to me.
There are times in our lives where we are on the mountaintops, and others where we are in the valley. I know what it’s like to “walk through the valley of the shadow of death.” But I know that
EVEN IN THE VALLEY, HE IS FAITHFUL!
Have you ever had to go through a difficult time but seen it as God’s hand in your life bringing you closer to Him?